It was confirmed yesterday that the 7 people who disliked the above “Soldiers Reunited with Family” video were all riding on the same bus to Washington, DC when it veered off the road into a deep polluted lake.

Everyone on the bus, including the driver, who disliked the above video just two weeks ago, has been declared officially “missing” since the accident Wednesday. Police have put off the search, stating that “…they’ll get to it when they get to it”, unless family of the victims, or some other concerned parties, pressure them to start the search sooner. So far no one has come forward.

Investigators acknowledge the coincidental nature of all 7 strangers being on the same bus, but authorities feel it was for the best and that they probably shouldn’t question it.

People who knew the missing bus riders described them with such phrases as “unpleasant to be around” and “quite shitty” adding “forever negative, worthless, attention-starved masturbation machines” and also that “[they] served no real purpose in the grand scheme of human existence, and if anything, took away from it”.

The accident, caught on tape and uploaded to Youtube, has since gone viral and received 3,455 likes, and ZERO dislikes.

-Jason M, Fofun News, Dec 2012

It’s simple math, really. Enough said.

People with money looking to make even more of it, announced today that they will be remaking/rebooting/retarding that thing you loved from when you were young. Remember that show/movie/band/anything that has a special place in your heart, tucked deep away, untarnished, perfect in your mind, if only in your mind? Well, that’s about to change.

 
We spoke with Paul Bergers, one of the many producers behind the project, who shed some light on what inspired them to move forward on the remake/reboot/redo/re-up. He explained, “Well, you see, it’s easier than ever to check up on the fan base of a certain show/movie/band/fleeting pop culture blip and this particular blip we’re going to remake is really hot right now! Like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hot! Like Golden Girls hot! You know, hot hot, like somewhere between Saved By The Bell hot and Back To The Future hot. So yea, it’s HOT!”
 
At this point Paul began laughing, but his laugh quickly developed into a phlegmy cigar cough for which he pulled out a fifty dollar bill to hock a loogie into. After balling the slimy fifty up and tossing it into the trash, he continued.
 
“Now this is the best part. We took advantage of the aforementioned ‘hotness’ several years ago by spreading anonymous rumors online that a remake/reboot/update/sequel/prequel/postquel was in the works, but of course that wasn’t the case. Then we casually monitored the growing buzz over the following years, amused by all the fan made trailers/posters/t-shirts/hats/theme songs/beer cozies/face tattoos that circulated, until we triple-checked the figures, and finally decided that now was the most lucrative time to put the minimal amount of effort into a sure fire hit.”
 
The release date for the yet unscouted/uncast/unwritten/unrealized/unnecessary remake/reboot/sequel/reprise/redux/retread/redundancy is set for two years from now, but only as long as people still seem to care. Will it be any good? Probably not, due to the fact that when most of the things you love came out, especially when you were young, they were relevant for the time, and therefore worked as successful, however unpolished, cultural milestones. And despite how rough or awkward the originals may have been, this only added to their charm, a charm that is certainly impossible to recreate or recapture and should be left alone. But worst case scenario, if the remake/reboot is bad, and you know it’s gonna be, sales of the original version will skyrocket making people who are not you that much richer.
 

-Jason M, Fofun News, Dec 2012