You know all those free newspapers handed to you on your morning commute? Well here are some interesting excerpts from this week. This is the third installment of “PLEASE, Take This News!“:

Also, is there a video? And more importantly, can we auto-tune it!? The people need to know!

I think “whopping” should be saved to describe the 25% of New Yorkers that apparently do support him. Really?

Next week’s survey? What ocean is the wettest.

Wow, 68% huh? I wish 68% was an acceptable rating in high school, then maybe I wouldn’t have had to take Chemistry three times. Why don’t they just simplify it and make a 1 – 10 rating scale, 1 being old vomit, and 10 being used condom filled with diarrhea? According to that, the 7 train should fall somewhere between public shower drain and SXSW port-a-john.

And finally, another ad caught my eye. The restaurant A la torka placed an ad to remind us to treat our mothers right this Mother’s Day!

Mmmmm. A free glass of delicious, bubbly, well-organized, politically driven…wait, what?

-Jason

You know all those free newspapers handed to you on your morning commute? Well here are some interesting excerpts from this week. This is the second installment of “PLEASE, Take This News!“:

Mayor Bloomberg concluded, “Not only did Diddy get an NYPD escort, but he got the Frantini Brothers, NewYork’s finest giant italian identical twin police officers. That’s just not fair to the rest of the city.”

At first glance, I really thought the tagline here was gonna be, “Fearful of sudden drop in clientele. May offer services to murderer in exchange for non-murdering.”

Next is an advertisement I saw…

But why does it look like the cocaine is the one in danger in this photo?

And finally, this is just an amusing mix up over at the New York Times. Give it a read, but keep in mind, in their defense, to some, Obama is really dreamy.

-Jason

You know all those free newspapers handed to you on your morning commute? Well here are some of my favorite excerpts from this week. This is the first installment of “PLEASE, Take This News“:

Really? Was that the first sign? The FIRST?! “Hey honey, our friend Brooke called. She just wanted to say hi, oh and something about wanting a sample of our drug-free urine. I haven’t had a chance to call her back. Oh could you check on the casserole?”

The article went on to say that summer has been cancelled. Oh, and also fun.

To clarify, Amanda Rose had just moved to the NY city area about an hour prior to this interview.

And in the most shocking, yet heartwarming story of the week, it seems Elton John has broken up with Eminem and is now officially dating Leon Russell. Awww.

(But really, what a bitch!)

Can’t wait to see what I’m handed today.

-Jason