FOFUN NEWS: “Gay-married Fast Food Chains weigh in on that Chick-fil-A-hole.”
It is no secret by now that the country stands divided on Chick-fil-A’s outspoken stance against gay marriage. Both the Right and the Left worldwide have weighed in, but we thought it was time to talk to those affected directly. Those actually living in the Fast Food community. So we sat down with some of the most recognizable gay-married and gay-freindly Fast Food chains and asked them to respond to Chick-fil-A’s uncompromising views.
“Frankly I think it’s despicable what Chick-fil-A is doing. The Fast Food world, our world, as global as it is, is not a large community. There are only about 20 globally recognized chains, and to create division in such a small populace, is just backwards thinking”, explained Papa Johns, who’s been happily married to his husband Subway for over 4 years now after meeting anonymously at a Parkway rest-stop. “Alot of people had a problem when White Castle started dating Black Angus Steakhouse, but I’d like to think we’re past that now.”
Papa added, “I married Subway purely out of love, the same as any of the straight chain couples. True, the foot-long rumors didn’t hurt, but that was just a bonus.”
Heterosexual chains, such as McDonald’s and Domino’s have rallied behind gay fast food, stating that they consider marriage an equal institution to be enjoyed by all. “I remember attending Taco Bell and Pizza Hut’s wedding a few years ago,” Wendy’s reminisced, as she pointed to a photo, “I actually met my husband Popeye’s there. It was a beautiful ceremony.”
Bigoted views on sexuality are not new to the Fast Food world. Explained Jack, “For the longest time I felt like I couldn’t be myself around other chains. Always watching how and when I talked about buns, or how hard I emphasized the S’s in Super Size, things like that. I had to hide who I really was, but that’s all changed for me now, and I plan to keep it that way.” Jack added, “Heck, it just feels good to finally be out of the box.”
Since Chick-fil-A’s anti-gay remarks, Pizza Hut has chosen to make peace rather than war. Instead of pointing fingers or protesting the chicken sandwich chain, he has offered up a new dish (pictured below) designed especially for Chick-fil-A, and offered free of charge as an olive branch in hopes that they might change their mind.
“We all speak the same language, and that’s food,” explained Pizza Hut, “I only hope that they might taste it and realize whether gay, straight or otherwise, we all love good stuff in our mouths.”
Chick-fil-A could not be reached for comment.
Note: The headline photo was taken back in 1999, several years before Taco Bell met and married Pizza Hut. Taco Bell would like to clarify that “it was a crazy time” and that “(he) doesn’t go to that part of town anymore”. Taco Bell and KFC remain close friends to this day.
-Jason M, Fofun News, August 2012
Tags: chick-fil-A, Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, chicken sandwich, civil union, civil unions, Dan Cathy, fast food, fast food chain, fast food chains, gay, gay marriage, KFC, lesbian, mcDonald's, Papa Johns, pizza hut, subway, Taco Bell