I made a brand new video called RACIST YARD SALE, and yup, that’s pretty much what it is. ENJOY!
I wish Maya Rudolph was still a full time cast member. Oh, and Amy Poehler too.
“We just never thought that many out of work people would want to re-watch The Office Season 3 over and over and over again.”, said Eugene Potatobutte, Netflix CEO, visibly shaken. “We just weren’t prepared for this.”
Yesterday morning, Tuesday the 22 of March, at 11:47 am, the Netflix home server completely crashed due to excessive user activity. Shortly after at 12:23 pm, the Netflix back-up server went down as well.
“All the warning signs were there. No server on earth can handle that many simultaneous viewings of the USA hit program Psych. The technology just isn’t there yet”, Eugene continued. “One Netflix customer has actually watched the black version of Death at a Funeral over 1,200 times since he’s been a subscriber. That’s at least a thousand more views than we anticipated per user, per film, and 1,199 and 1/2 more views than we anticipated for that specific movie! However, we are now doing all we can to get our streaming feature back up, but now that there are so many individuals sitting at home all day, there really is no down time for our servers to recover.”
Wide-eyed and desperate, Eugene added, “Please, loyal Netflix users, GO OUTSIDE! Give us a break to get back up! 22 to 25 minutes would be great, or to put it into terms you can all understand, roughly the length of one streaming 30 Rock episode!”
In house financial experts for Netflix have also found that thier profits have drastically declined since the unemployment increase. One told us, “With the amount of online views, our fees are simply not enough to cover the costs of films we stream, as well as the cost that goes along with mailing them. We actually found that it would be more cost effective if we were to employ a large number of our out of work subscribers ourselves.”
A few hours later, Netflix Vice President, Victoria McNcheese, issued this public statement:
“We are announcing that we will be opening 400 Netflix locations nationwide in late April 2011 where you will actually be able to go into a store and rent a video from off of a shelf. We are doing so to cover streaming costs, and hopefully employ most of our unemployed subscribers at said locations to prevent them from constant online movie watching. We hope to have over 10,000 rental stores by the end of the year, most of which will be located in vacant Blockbuster locations.”
When asked why they didn’t just increase their monthly fees, Victoria explained that if they did, most customers would unsubscribe and illegally download the content they wanted to view instead. She concluded, “Hell, that’s what I do.”
-Jason M, Fofun News, March 2011